The Galaxy Song from "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life"

Taken variously from

• http://users.htcomp.net/weis/meaning4eeyore.html (Bret Shefter)
• http://www.orangecomputers.cc/corispage/ericidle.html
• http://members.tripod.com/wtimmins/lore/monty.html

   (Two men in white coats come to take a mans liver - he had a donor card.
        Two Men > Can we have your liver?
        Man > No, I'm using it!
   While one (painfully and bloodily) removes his liver in the living room, the other,
   John Cleese, is in the kitchen persuading the wife to give them hers.
   She's not sure.
   Eric Idle in Purple suit appears out of a fridge.
   The kitchen wall explodes inexplicably revealing the sun and stars.
   The woman and Eric go for a walk into the stars.)

   (spoken)
Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown,
And things seem hard or tough,
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft,
   (sung)
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
and revolving at nine-thousand miles an hour;
It's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
'round the sun that is the source of all our power.
Now the sun, and you and me, and all the stars that we can see,
are moving at a million miles a day,
In the outer spiral arm, at fourteen-thousand miles an hour,
of a galaxy we call the Milky Way.

   (Short musical bridge.)

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred-million stars -
it's a hundred-thousand light-years side-to-side.
It bulges in the middle sixteen-thousand light-years thick,
but out by us it's just three-thousand light-years wide.
We're thirty-thousand light-years from Galactic Central Point;
we go 'round every two-hundred-million years,
and our galaxy itself is one of millions of billions in this
amazing and expanding universe!

   (Musical bridge, accompanied by animation of
    Mother Galaxy giving birth to the universe.)

Our universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
in all of the directions it can whiz,
as fast as it can go - that's the speed of light, you know ! -
twelve-million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is!
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
how amazingly unlikely is your birth,
and pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space
'cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!

   (Eric gets back in the fridge and slams the door.)

   John Cleese > so can we have your liver, then?
   Woman > OK, you talked me into it.